every time it…
May 22, 2010
The level of despair I am reaching on a daily basis are breaking my soul completely. I literally can’t think of anything else, I spend hours sitting doing absolutely nothing and just feeling as though I don’t want to be here. I despise having to sleep, it angers me, it bores me utterly, no matter how many people I speak to, nothing is helping lift my mood. These thoughts are quite frightening, and I worry that one day soon I might suddenly find that moment where suicide is not only rational, but easy. Talking to my parents about day to day trivialities makes my blood boil, my lack of concentration on my degree work just cannot be helped no matter how hard I attempt to focus. A certain person whose company temporarily alleviates these feelings and helps me escape from reality a little can’t be there for me right now, if ever, so I miss them I suppose. The more I talk about this the more I become paranoid that I’m exaggerating things, sounding like a broken record, not explaining things clearly enough so people can see how serious this all is. I don’t need words of encouragement…I need medication, cognitive behaviour therapy, counselling and exercise. I think I pretty much need someone to sit and watch over me for the next 6 months.
